I don’t think anything prepares you to what you feel when your confidence is lacking. What I mean is, it doesn’t have a particular feeling or a specific cause or symptom that makes you go;
‘Oh shit, I’m lacking confidence’
You don’t stop and say let me get my mind into gear and build up on those positive thoughts. The fucker creeps up on you like a dark shadow.
Over the past 4 weeks, I have had the luxurious opportunity to blend life, work and pleasure all into one and attempt to enjoy London at its quietest time of year. It’s been years since I’ve seen it this quiet though, maybe even a bit too quiet for my liking.
It has given me time to do things that usually never get to do at home. Putting up that shelf, alphabetically ordering my books, selling the CD’s I never use and just being la-di-da around the house. It has also let me focus myself too, other than all those prettifying things we do to our hair and nails, it has also let me focus moi. So, so hippy of me, I know, but here one I wanted to share, it’s called hindsight.
Posted in Life, Random
Tagged Anger, tantrum
Emailing a friend last night, I realised that some emotions have a time and place. From loneliness to being happy, you have a period in which it must be lived. London is very empty this year and no matter how much I wanted to be here this summer, it has been proved that company it of utmost importance.
My lovely brother and his girlfriend are missed in the house, my daily routine of work and play and the absence of money are also deeply missed too.
Summer is kicking in, joyous times are in the air and all the fun and partying is still going on. It is pretty much the same summer vibe and yet it still doesn’t seem to be just right. The constant desire to look for something else is boring the daylight out of me because with everything that has changed it’s never really changed.
On Sunday night I found myself asking the same question over and over again. What do I need to change? If something doesn’t seem to be going right something needs to change. But what?
It all happened on the way back from running a chore for my lovely mother. I stopped by a spot that I had spent many of my young adolescent days contemplating my existence. I visit that very same spot every so often and sit there.