Typing away at home on Saturday
When I sit down sit down at this desk every week I never end up writing what I aim to write. I can think of loads of different things during the week but come the point I sit here at this chair they are not only forgotten but the few I do remember have also phased out into being nothingness. I might have to start note taking like Eminem but seeing as getting a seat on a bus and writing is impossible in this country that won’t be happening anytime soon. Nonetheless factoring in that I drive everywhere that idea goes right out the window before it’s even attempted.
Anyway, this week I have had quite a few visitors from the UK, my cousins have come over to see me, to see Istanbul and too enjoy moaning about it afterwards. As I do so quite often myself.
So with cousin number 1, we decided to go for a meal this midweek. My cousin at the minor age of 16 wanted to see Kadikoy. So I decided to take her to a friend’s restaurant, seeing as he had been moaning about not being able to catch up. We enjoyed a single course meal of meat Beyti swimming in yogurt and Calamari as a side snack. I have to say you haven’t tasted Calamari until you have had Calamari in Turkey.
My friend the lightweight body builder, actor and director and optimist was a gentleman like always and sat with us offering great company and a variety of topics to discuss. My cousin at the minor age of 16 looked lost through most of it. While politely discussing a current states in work, life, and money I asked him about his recent love affair advertised on Facebook. May I point out I say advertised purely as I don’t see a better way in telling the world you have a relationship. Even if you are seen on the street with a guy people can consider him a friend, but on Facebook mate – it’s official. The world knows why you are walking around with a spring in your walk and a cheesy unsophisticated smirk on your face. Don’t get me wrong I’ve done it, and I’m bound to do it again.
Anyway, so this friend goes on discuss how he ended with such a status. He showed confusion and despair throughout the conversation. Confusion about understanding women and despair at the fact he may never find his ideal relationship. Now this guy has been around the block, we meet because I was one of the girls he tried stroking his ego with. We were 14, our summerhouses were close to each other and I never gave put so we became friends. Using our prejudgements about guys who have been around the block you would think that he would have vast option of girls to pick from and he would know how to meet a girl but nonetheless his struggling.
He had met this girl many years ago and she was one of the girls it ‘never ended up happening’ with, she went to university in another country and came back an educated woman. After friendly conversations they saw attraction and things started moving into romance stage. He said he was quite happy at the way things were going, he liked her and thought a lot of her. To me that means success on her behalf, as I know how hard it is to keep a man to carry on ‘liking you’ and having them express it too. Alas she commits what most men and I would call a sin and asks him to make things ‘official’. To you and me that’s sticking it on to a each others Facebook profile. She wanted to put a name on something that didn’t have certainty but was yet just a spark in each others eyes. She apparently argued that something either existed or it didn’t. To round it up she apparently also said that this was the only way to go forward.
To me that just seems like a trap (I didn’t tell him that), and why would you force another person into feeling tied down when there is uncertainty. OK, I wasn’t there to witness their conversations but this guy is telling me first hand. She, he says, was uncertain about where it was going to go like him, but still pushed to have it advertised against his will. If want I relationship status on my Facebook, I want the bouncy walking and smirk to go with it and I told him so. He argued that was the norm, a mans norm anyway. So I’m sitting here trying to consider where she’s coming from. I can think of two maybe feasible arguments she could make if she was ever to read this. The first is that this guy has been around the block and she needed to get all the other girls of his back and two, she needed to show the friend of her ex, her friends, and world while she’s at it that she have someone interested in her. But both of these to me just showed how insecure she was. She might even be preparing for guilt trip ground, the one where on break-up she can argue he wanted it too. Still very insecure and conniving.
My lightweight body builder friend said that this was what confused him. He showed her affection and wanted to let it fall into a relationship, rather then officially having to make it. He said it would have gone there eventually but her nudging him to do it made him go cold turkey on her. So after two weeks of advertising their relationship it officially finished. Now to her he is an ex-boyfriend to me it just sounds like it finished before it even started. There is so much variety in the way people think relationships work that it would be truly amazing to find a relationship on your own scale. She our official lady might find a man to think her behaviour normal even ideal. Hence she like the rest of needs to rummage through a pile of men to find her fit.
I however am a bit more pessimistic after my optimistic fall last week. I’m treading on normality at the moment, but the man I feel I want to keep is still a little further.
Anyway by the end of our conversation we concluded it best it was over and that he might have been saved from heartache, but the poor man was so confused at yet another misfit relationship. He after such a bright conversation decided to take my little cousin and me to a tarot reading.
So I’m at a stage where I’m trying to sum up the kinds of girls I meet or hear about as I think our actions are defined in comparison. Basically we chose our actions and limitations according those we hear and see around us and on an even bigger scale we choice our extremes and priorities. I’m sitting here for instance talking about a girl I have never met and comparing it to what I do in similar situations. Being judgemental of her and a little eased by my actions. I’m sorry to admit but I do like learning of other people’s mistakes and taking their actions on board.
I would in the above situation continue seeing the guy and try to enjoy the time we have together, until it hits a brick wall. I consider my move to be appropriate for both men and me but I can’t help wondering if this girl would find such a man to accept her norms, is she going about it the right to keep a man. She isn’t the first I’ve seen to pursue this route and if I ignore the fact that they seem fake to me, they- them girls I know on a personal scale have had more relationships then me in the last five years. Her values in name it are extreme and I’m wondering if it all she doubts them, because even though I’m adamant to continue the way I do, I’m still consider how effective they are.
Enjoying the brisk smell of the sea on Sunday
I left my old brown desk and moved my little big bum to better scenery so I can edit and alter what I’ve already written, I’m sitting on the edge of the sea near the Bosporus in Starbucks and watching the beautiful yachts sailing by.
I would like to touch on something in I have seen in here is Istanbul, something which is new to my multicultural self. Living by extreme values, considering it blew me of guard when I first arrived here extremes values is new to me. That’s not because I don’t have them but here in Istanbul you are considered by your extreme values and those values you give priority too. You ironically feel you have to define your values before any kind of interaction with anybody. And considering the girl I have given the time of day to discuss in this post, I feel I have to stand behind mine even more as for sure she could be sitting somewhere discussing a girl like me.
The fact that they judge you here is evident everywhere you go. I never felt I had impress people so much, the people I know, the people I don’t know and most importantly the people that don’t like me. It’s a live gossip show. In my multicultural world I was accepted by the little things that summed me up, here my little bits confuse people.
As odd as it seems to me sitting, I am not the only one observing others here but I am being observed too. Sitting here with my laptop typing along enjoying a dreamy Frappuccino I feel like bait to judgement. If you think about I’m the one who should be observing yet my loneliness in this little Starbucks seems to grab people’s attention and bothers them more then it bothers me.
Consequently I’m Bait for the guy who is slyly trying to eye me up on the left, the girl sitting on the next table who is phased at the idea that I can sit alone and she is talking about it even though I can hear her. Whereas I’m doing the same thing I like to call it research, for it’s a passing of time. So I’m listening intently to little bits of personal info I’m getting of others. For instance the man sitting the right two tables away is loudly telling his date about his car accident and how he dealt with, problem is everyone can hear it and I’m guessing I’m not the only the one who can see exaggeration pouring out of him. Because if he aint exaggerating he should be the next superman, and yet the girl is soaking it up floating her hair from side to side while laughing. I wonder if I appear so fake on dates? I try a little harder to laugh at mediocre jokes too, that might my little topic for next week.
And on that note I would like to point out that the guy I eagerly wanted to sleep with last week, did call on Monday and came over too. Our little fun didn’t include cloths, words or regrets.