Who Was Here To Learn Something? Me or Her?


If Itcy Bitsy Spider went up the waterspout and if never came the rain that washed her out, would we ever know she existed? For the past few days I have dwelt on how I came about to live in Istanbul, meeting the people I met and making the decisions I’m making at the moment. It’s weird but if it had never rained in England I would have never washed up on the shores of Istanbul.

Earlier on today I went to have a late lunch with a friend, now truth be told I didn’t always like her or her company, lets say we grew fonder of each other over-time. What bugged me about this girl was her feeble attempts to seek attention, everyone loves attention but this has been a mind-numbing turmoil from the beginning.

[I had to stop typing, as there was lovely person on TV talking about hugging and national hugging day]

From a wealthy family that went bankrupt a few years back, she has a few odd complexities. Envying her prior self she has decided to live in the past. For instance she can’t afford to get in taxis yet she’s never gets out of them and the main reason is her snobbish idea on the rest of the world.

Let me explain, I have my complexities yet I keep them private and see them as a flaw, she however sees it as a way of life. When she arrives to a venue she enjoys stating she took a taxi, especially if the people she is meeting drive or take taxi’s themselves. She never lies about her new socio-economic positions but hides it. She cries for men that she knows the intentions of, and attaches herself to people and becomes addicted in their aura, yet is too blind to consider the energy she lets off. It becomes slightly leech-like.

Her brain numbing attention seeking fits are not lies that she makes up to receive sympathy but they are her past experiences that she decides to live in. She enjoys taking you to her past, she tries to justify her broke ass self by keeping you in her past, what she had, what she used to pay for and how much she used to pay, who she knew and how she knows my man-friend (there is an unexplainable exaggerated attachment there that I am trying… trying not dig!!). On our last few meetings however I have decided to do the things she does, let’s call it a taste of her own medicine. So today every time she went to her past I took her to mine. Every time she wanted to discuss her ‘then’ hardships I told her about mine, every time she talked about her possessions I told her about mine, and when she went to tell me about the fall of her family I told her about the fall of mine. She was very bored today because I did it very loudly in public, I might have even shamed her a little.

I understand her confusion about time and place, what she considers dignity and pride, friends and frenemies and most importantly her confusion on men yet I don’t understand her desire to judge others with that frame of mind or appearing ‘innocent’ and ‘good-natured’ while she is doing it. I tried to prove a point today, I have discussed this with her before too and told her I do it on purpose too. People will never see her in the light she tries to shine on them and they will see through it, I have told her that she is the first person to judge herself with the loss of her family’s wealth and she’s the only one with an issue with it. Well out of the people who matter to her anyway.

That is why her attention seeking is brain numbing, she wants to appear innocent and appear flawless. I know she enjoys my company and appreciates my honesty, yet she fails to see I don’t hers, because it overcrowds the conversation, not her but a time-phase that doesn’t exist anymore.

Today when considering why I came here, or the decisions I took to come here, I wondered if my destiny to meet her had anything to with it. If so, who was here to learn something out it? Me or her?


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About An Addled Moment

I came to Istanbul to discover not only this beautiful city and its nightlife but I’m also here to discover me.
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