My parents were married, they had the whole shebang with the white dress and first night blues (so my mum says!!) but my-dear-friend-from-secondary-school was different. Her parents weren’t married, will not marry and 16 years later they are still not married.
I was about 13-14 and the only family formation I was taught to be correct was the one with a married couple so when me and my-dear-friend-from-secondary-school were alone one day I asked one of the questions that changed my thoughts on marriage totally.
‘So this means your mum can just leave whenever she wants?’ Because she’s on not married on paper I thought it was just a way to leave whenever you desired.
Her response was clear and confident for a teenager. ‘My mum has many reasons to stay, she won’t just leave.’
The reasons were ‘family’ not marriage and ‘love’ not pressure. Not just love form her partner but towards her children. And my-dear-friend-from-secondary-school was very clear and confident gor a teenager about the care she got from her mother.
To me it just felt like my mum stayed because she felt she had too, because resonsibility was towards us. I’m very confident when I say this, it was the ultimate prison.
Anyway my thoughts changed on marriage as it become not a necessity but rather a desire. I don’t want to be captivated I want to be free with children and a friend to share my life with.
A friend thats all…