Why do people in books never have any chores to do? Do they have some kind of secret lady who goes to these people houses to clean and iron? I’m jealous I want a cleaner. They never ever have bad hair days, or make-up issues. They have this ‘I’m prepared for life’ kind of aura which need these days.
Actors pop out of bed fully made up, mascara and everything. No panda eyes, never panda eyes. Oh and shower scenes, after stepping out of the shower toe first they dry their hair to perfection without touching it with a brush.
Some mornings I want to wake up and Abode Photobrush myself and have my inner thighs taken with the swoop of a mouse, I want the brassy tone in my hair to disappear with that little magic wand… or was it magic crop? Either way, I want to be pretty and out of the house in 10. My coffee would be brewing as the computer starts up, and with my morning fag I will be prodding and poking myself to look immaculate.
All this stuff about body image and its issues are pointless, when we want a confidence boost we turn to our looks first as that is always the quickest fix for a deeper more rooted issue. The amount of women I know (including me) to run to the hairdressers to touch up bits and bobs because of issues with the mansfriends is unbelievable, I believe that’s how hairdressers make their money. Actually I don’t believe, I know.
Every morning trying to look presentable for work I want to die, sleep oozing from eyes, hair astatic with no particular direction that all the strands what to travel in. Jesus, I sometimes really want to know what kind of a sleeper I am and asking the boyfriend is no good. Maybe I should install a camera into room. I want to know what happens during the night to make look so shite in the morning. It’s that bad.
So basically, I’m down right jealous of characters in books. I want a secret and invisible cleaner and hair stylist maybe a makeup artist and cook while I’m at it. Oh and there is hardly ever any traffic in books. I want a no traffic in my life too. I might need to get some Floo powder and travel from fireplace to fireplace. Like they do in Harry Potter… ooh I want a magic wand too and I can master the spells ‘Repero’ and ‘Stupify.’ I will then be able to Stupify the idiots that make me feel ugly and use that moment to repair myself back to pretty again.
So that’s it, all I want is a camera, some Floo powder, a hairdresser and a cleaner. I’ll do the rest, the rest will be piss easy.