In a constant battle for perfection, we hobble along different paths. Our need for perfection ruins love, freedom and wisdom. Our brain gets all fuzzy and piled with mandatory stuff, that we then tend to think is the explanation for everything. But realistically it’s like jumping through loop holes that made for cats or something, let say it’s just as difficult.
Making bolognaise last night I forgot to peel the tomatoes, now I know it’s nothing major but still you get little skin bits in it that have a habit of sticking to your gum. That makes my insides go all funny, like jelly funny. So everything’s in and I’m giving the bolognaise a final stir, I lift the wooden spoon to see the little skin bits on the it. I only had one thought at that moment and it was the fact I had always lost mini social and emotional battles just because I forget to deal with the little details that would later come back to bite me.
Emotionally I would forget tricks that would make feel better instantly, let us call them habits… let us call these forgotten bits and bobs habits. For instance I would forget to sing in the mornings, I would forget not to get pissed at myself for being upset as I forget that it is a necessary emotion and I know I need to feel it to feel enlighten. Its forgetting to be cruel to be nice as I then end up being cruel to myself because I’m doing or saying something to that will eventually upset me. Its forgetting to take my medication that later causes imbalances in my sugar levels which then turn into emotional imbalances as it upsets me and plays with my hormones. It’s the biddy chores, routine and mandatory things that I have not disciplined myself to remember.
It’s a bit of organisation and routine that helps solve these little hiccups, but it’s about having the time to do it too. For as long I have known myself, I have been busy with so many things at one given time, that I have never had the time to remember not to forgot to organise these habits into routine. Are you following?
Now, you may think what my social wellbeing has to do with this but it’s quite simple. It’s the things I leave to say later that will wind me up in return, its arriving late because I have to go back for something I have forgotten, its forgetting to pay attention to my surroundings and its forgetting not to wear that top to work as its too see-through and pisses the manager off. Its forgetting to iron my cloths before I go to bed because I know I will never have time in the morning to iron it and more annoyingly it’s when I forget that only I know these things don’t account for my personality, wellbeing or happiness as there are many small-minded people who believe it to be so.
Others tend to enjoy looking down on and patronising people for things that will only ever have a material value, for instance my un-ironed shirt/top/trousers or whatever it is tells people I don’t I have a cleaner. People actually take the time of day to think about these things and consider them a fault.
It’s probably the same everywhere but I guess I can only comment on what I see, feel and live through here.
And the irony here is all this started because I forgot to peel a bloody tomato.