In anthropology and sociology we studied individualism, collectivism, free will and the ‘self.’ They seemed like very vague topics at the time, they could and would accumulate to who I was but maybe I just never fully got it. I guess when I question and contemplate things now, I question whether I am an individual, whether the collective suits me, do I actually have any free will and most importantly is the ‘self’ or myself a part of any of the decisions I make, can make, or am allowed to make.
My mind keeps trailing back to Şems Tabrizi, a travelling Sufi who found Mevlana Rumi and converted his rigorous and conservative view on God, on ‘Allah’ and turned him into a poet. A poet who learned to love God, to indulge in passion, to love from within one’s heart, to be clear of judgement and to learn from all, to see what is hidden within closed hearts and to live in purity.
He travelled as he wanted to teach, and enlighten. Enlightenment is a much better word actually, but people were ignorant, they chose to push him away as they couldn’t understand his ways. So he prayed for someone that would understand him, someone who be as passionate as him and someone who could take these upon themselves and carry on sharing it with the rest of the world. He found Mevlana Rumi.
I try to pray for the same someone, not because I see myself as a travelling Sufi or see myself to be enlightened but I know I try to better myself as a person. And hey, as two heads are better than one, it might help to have rational second opinion. Because all I know is the people giving me opinions these days only seem to want me to nod my head and agree with them but their solutions always have biases attached to them. To be able to ignore them and give them the middle finger, I have to be either rich or successful.
I’m want to leave everything these and storm off to another land as I feel the people around me are being ignorant. So I see a little Şems Tebrizi in my ‘self’ these days. Don’t be shocked if I disappear of the face of the earth.