The Queen of Schtum


You keep schtum for a number of reasons, you measure vulnerabilities and priorities.

If I keep my mouth shut I will have my mind at peace.’  is my daily schtum because that women just doesn’t understand that no one gives a bulls-crap about what she thinks of others.

‘She can’t handle it,’ is another schtum. Not mine their schtum, because lying to me is better and treating me like I’m the idiot is the ultimate solution.

‘I told you that you wouldn’t make it out there on your own’ is the one that haunts me during the night. Even though no-one actually tells me so, I feel it hence I wait for it and unfortunately I believe it.

‘I’ve made my choice, you make yours’ is the schtum I force myself to keep schtum as this is the one I have responses to yet I know the moment I actually say them I have to go through with them.

‘Please avoid me’ because the moment you don’t I have to break the schtum and actually act as if I’m here.

‘I-don’t-feel-to-want-to-tell-you-what’s-wrong-me’  schtum because I feel you like you don’t care.

 ‘I don’t ask, I won’t know’ the ignorant schtum, just because I know the answer to the question I’m yearning to ask and it’s not the answer I’m worried about it’s the response I’m left give that I’m more anxious about.

‘Are they using their physical magnitude against me, to make feel you vulnerable and feeble?’ every women keeps this schtum at least once in their life time. Men do too, it’s the approach of the measly person in front of you that says don’t ‘test my patience,’ with their eyes and you don’t just because you know they are weaker then you.

‘I’ll pay you back later’ said for the hundredth time, that’s the pity schtum you keep, because the person that uses this against you is normally the wealthiest among the party.

‘I’ll sit here and nod while you tell me what’s best for me, my feelings and my career’ because the moment I respond I know this conversation is going to go on for longer.  

‘I told you so’ whether you say it or are told it, it’s an unavoidably painful one.

‘Where do you want to go?’ says the taxi driver, I give him directions because god forbid I break the schtum and answer him directly as the only answer I ever feel to respond with is ‘I don’t know.’


About An Addled Moment

I came to Istanbul to discover not only this beautiful city and its nightlife but I’m also here to discover me.
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