I have officially decided I am a control freak. A major control freak. Pure and simple, I accept all control freaky allegations made against me.
I don’t even know how I do it, the things that trigger of my mind, the neurons that’s function, and the darting eyes that see everything. All I know is that it’s linked to fear.
Fear of failing takes first place in this and the second is losing something, my controlling habits lead to anxiety and panic. I build a lovely wall in defence and place a couple of snipers on top of it shoot down anything and everything.
I can say it’s turned in to the Berlin Wall with graffiti on it. There are comments like ‘We want freedom’ and ‘Let us through Penny’ on it. Maybe in a few years time after a bit of self therapy, a bit wisdom and some more maturity. We lower the stakes and put up a fence.
We all have defence mechanisms been just a bit lonely with me on one side and the rest of the world on the other. While I continue to try manage the world with all my despot controlling, I might just get a blow in the head hard enough to remind me that I don’t need to so concerned.
I will let go and join you people one day. One day.