The Whore In My Bed

ImageI have found a new friend in the dark of the night, as quiet and as motionless as she is, she gives sound advice. As fantastic as the listener she is, I am reluctant to speak to her.

I have learnt to love and love to hate the silence of this city. When I wake at about 2 or 3 on these odds nights, I seldom have anyone to talk too. My thoughts, my dreams and desires are there, hanging like a black cloud over me because the dream that had woke me usually never is a reflection of such beautiful thoughts. The dream that wakes me into the silence of the night needs to be counter attacked, so she who is my only friend in the dark of the night, listens.

On a night I am worried about sleeping, I set myself free in her shadow and let her streets tire me. I looked around and watch her, she treats most people like a bitch and those people most certainly do not like her. They, like I have done so before, call her a whore.

During the training session for my new job today, our trainer and alsomy new manager had set self-awareness exercises for us. She a psychologist from what I gather and her comment about me after one these exercises confirmed what I had contemplated about myself. She told me I looked for acceptance.

Now the question is, did I travel all the way here, to her, looking for acceptance? Istanbul is a big girl, I’m guessing she’s handled many like me but truth be told I don’t want her to comfort me anymore. I would rather, not personally need or want her approval as she should be the one to entertain me not detain me. Detaining me would mean she would need to accept me. A bit of a circle, huh?

As happy as I am at this stage of my life I am aware of myself, my subconscious has been nagging at my every happy thought and has lead me to believe that I still have a lot of learning to do. I might just have to work on my acceptance issues because god forbid I become addicted to what she has on offer. She would near break my confidence exactly like the way she has made it.

She does sound a bit like the whore in my bed doesn’t she?

Good night.

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About An Addled Moment

I came to Istanbul to discover not only this beautiful city and its nightlife but I’m also here to discover me.
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