Que Sera, Sera. Whatever Will Be Will Be.

ImageThe effort I have gone through to define, find and identify the ideal man has more often then so taken me to hell and back. Quite a few times too. Never did I ever think or anticipate that love is everywhere. In Istanbul I found the love, I so much envied not in a man but in my friends.

“When I grew up and fell in love I asked my lover, “What lies ahead? Will we have rainbows day after day?” Here’s what my lover said to me…”

Two people, two very important people have taught me love, respect and solidarity. All the stuff I have learnt about socialism and love are defined by these people, the friends I learnt to love in this country.

This city has had the power to kill me and revive in matter of minutes and many times over too. As I sit here today, trying to pack up my house and split it to take, store and throw, I have more than enough time to contemplate what I have learned.

“Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see”

My too-blonde-to-be-Turkish girl and my oh-so-handsome-and-courageous friend have/has been around for the yet so simple but yet so important things as well as the most outrageous and fearful events.

I have learned not only to love, I have learned to hate. I have learned not only to lose but to gain from my loses. In this country I have learned that disappointment alone can account for hope because life like a very-a-new-Greek-friend reminded me that wrong doings, can, like the right ones account for life.

“Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see”

I am a woman. I love clothes and gossip. I love passion and love. I love life but I also love making mistakes. Music soothes my soul yet words configure it.  I lie, yet I am honest because I do not and will not hurt another living being. I lie because I do not want to hurt anyone.

I am a woman, I want to look good and be attractive not because I want to impress or be better but I want to feel better just because someone lied to me when I was younger and told me that being better was what I should try to be. They told me I should be the best. Up until I moved to this country I believed them but now I believe, the older and wiser person I am, I believe that I can only compare my poor soul to no-one but myself.

“Now I have children of my own, they ask their mother, “What will I be?”
Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?” … I tell them tenderly”

I am a successful woman because I can admit to feeling, and accept to feeling discontent. I am, more than a woman, human.

And the irony is, like I have been trying to tell you, I did ask my mother. When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, “What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?” After asking me to be a banker, here’s what she said to me…

“Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be” 

The nearest I get to the bank is the ATM on the corner of my road. However, I am now ok with not knowing because life will show me and whatever will be, will be.


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About An Addled Moment

I came to Istanbul to discover not only this beautiful city and its nightlife but I’m also here to discover me.
This entry was posted in Being Human, Istanbul, Love, People and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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