Wednesday gone I had the pleasure of going to the circus, the Moscow Circus as it was called, with a lovely Ukulele playing friend. For those who are anti-circus I would like to add it was an all human one without animals and superhero’s. Well they could be called human if they didn’t fly off swings and bend in ways that could only truly be considered inhumane and impossible for the average Tom, Dick, Harry. Even if my little brother does think he can do it all with a little bit of extra training.
So, with the circus theme in mind, I turned into quite an acrobat myself on my return to London. Juggling my social and financial commitments and bending over backwards to make the family happy is just the start of it.
I arrived back to London just shy of 2 months and I’ve been loitering around trying to get my stuff sorted out just so I can get back to work and go back to some much missed peace and quiet. I have actually not given myself time to absorb the fact that I have been back nor have I given myself time to grieve leaving Istanbul, which now feels like a completely different life away.
Here things are slightly different from what there were in Istanbul. The quiet and lonely morning coffees are out of the question instead I now have a house full of people and my father sings random songs to make sure people know that he is about. Movie night on the sofa and zapping through channels is out of the question and replaced with fights over movie selections and the remote, hence for me that is one battle I lose even before I start.
But saying all that, I can gladly to say I have come back wiser. Even though I still feel lost in the realms of this city, I do feel I can handle things better than I used to prior to my little Istanbul experience. That feeling of self-satisfaction and accomplishment in the chores I do, does make me want to do black-flips with little pompoms. Why I never felt like this before is down to not looking at things I do the way I do now. Then it was burden and hassle but now it just needs to get done.
I never used to think of these chores as my responsibility, they were not mine to worry about even. I never calculated the losses or gains for me personally or collectively for my little circus clan. Now I do. I did always think that my performance needed to separate and individualistic and not a part of the overall performance. But realistically no one ever goes to a circus to watch a one-man show, right?
Either way I love my little clan and it’s nice to back among them but it’s also nice to know I get mini intervals away from circus ground. All I need now is a working TV. However saying all that, from next week onwards I start my first job here after Istanbul, which I’m guessing will be a whole new circus.
Did I say the circus was Russian by any chance? It was a lovely night with an old skool touch to it, all that left now is to see what this new school will throw at me.