In the circle of life I have found myself back in the roll things without missing a beat. I am out and about still doing all the things that I would be doing if I had never left. If I’m not meeting people, I’m meeting up with new and old friends. If I’m not working, I’m a property investor as my Ukulele playing friend keeps saying. Without skipping a beat I have been keeping myself busy.
Having had a couple of emotionally shit days, I have hopscotched around a few very potent emotions that have left me, yet again looking up at the dark London skies, screaming, “Are you there God? It’s me Sinem.”
After hours of deep meditation, which basically means, me sitting idly at the kitchen table with hot beverages. I have decided that my impetuous emotional bearings have cost me quite a bit of upset. I’ve started wondering whether my emotional exchange with friends and others are impetuous, like my emotions.
The whole world seems to be in a rush to go somewhere, do something, say something and I have lost myself in the moment and said things or done things a lot quicker than I was meant too.
For example, when took the position I am in at the moment, I accepted the position at the blink of an eye, the idea of not being work for any longer just meant me going cuckoo while not having any money and idly waiting for life to happen. So, I accepted only to be offered another position at a bigger, better and closer school only a week later. Impetuous.
I committed the sin of being impetuous in nearly all aspects of my life, my holidays, my nights out, food, the friends I make and ones I don’t, in an act of rage, when sharing a thought, idea or plan and even when moaning about it. Impetuous.
I have committed to promises at the blink of an eye momentously deciding that it was the best for me, or as it is, it was my hearts desire.
I am impetuous because I have acted with desire.
Is that necessarily a bad thing? Is the effort to run after desire and passion not what we all ultimately desire.
I desired a job that pays for the bills, so I acted upon it. I wanted to share that all-important thought, so I said it. I was happy at the most recent thing that happened to me, so I shared it. I wanted to something to look forward to, I agreed on the plan. I wanted sing at the top of my lungs and so I sang.
However, I think I did it but I did it all at a cost.
My most recent emotional paranoia to do everything at once, in this busy, busy world, has left me feeling exhausted and critical. So now, the world, the universe and the spiritual is actually just telling me to slow down. Impetuous or not, I have to step back from my decisions and absorb my desires and passion before I act on them. Reconsider and recreate wherever and whenever necessary.