Over the past 4 weeks, I have had the luxurious opportunity to blend life, work and pleasure all into one and attempt to enjoy London at its quietest time of year. It’s been years since I’ve seen it this quiet though, maybe even a bit too quiet for my liking.
It has given me time to do things that usually never get to do at home. Putting up that shelf, alphabetically ordering my books, selling the CD’s I never use and just being la-di-da around the house. It has also let me focus myself too, other than all those prettifying things we do to our hair and nails, it has also let me focus moi. So, so hippy of me, I know, but here one I wanted to share, it’s called hindsight.
So, I would like to learn how, within a raging tantrum I avoid responding to things that I know in my mind is too trivial to respond to. Meaning, I need to learn to control my responses, control being the operative word
As my verbal and physical language can say a lot and it worries me a little. My defence mechanisms go into action and I can appear more defensive, offensive or aggressive than I ever intend to be. Intend being the operative word.
These actions, I must add, are also very subject specific. For instances if the subject is a family member that enjoys my distress and pain, I can anger quicker, knowing the intention on their behalf. My defences are whipped out quicker than you could say ‘defence’. Defence being the operative word.
With the fear of losing momentum, out goes the point I’m usually trying to make and/or even the firm foot I’m trying to put down. It seems to be that I am too see-through. The issue diverts from what is being discussed or resolved into the actions and behaviours of those involved, diversion being the operative word.
The battle for an ego-less self or even a selfless battle gets tested and judged by all those who are involved in some sort of relationship with you. As I can only take responsibility for my actions that makes [self] control the utmost important thing. Every action has a consequence, making consequence the operative word.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing. If by controlling my actions, my verbal and body language I can avoid being defensive and avoid the diversion of issues, my intention will become clearer. The consequences of my actions will turn into clear and positive resolutions.
I need to figure out how I can remember this at the worst of moments, you see as beautiful hindsight is, at that moment and time you need to be the clearest you can ever be, you probably are anything but clear and hindsight becomes nothing but the backside of someone storming off while moaning at you.